There have been times when I feel very much the same... I think that my son loves my husband more. I think that I may flip and hurt him. I've wanted to punch my husband. I'm not saying that I'm good for any of this, but I have felt all of it on more than one occasion. Of course, it's far easier for me to give you advice than to follow it myself, but I will give you my 2 cents on all this. First off, I found that even though my husband is around for the "fun stuff" with my son (who's now 9), I've been around for EVERYTHING and he clearly trusts me with his feelings more. He is always happy go lucky with Dad, but much more likely to cry with me. Sometimes this hurts me, but I realized it's because I am the one that he absolutely and completely trusts. (This isn't to say he doesn't trust his dad, but he and I are bonded in a different way.) So, even though my husband mostly gets to have fun, I know that while it doesn't always feel like it, my son loves me very much. As far as the anger and flipping out, the most I can say is that I have worried about this same thing my son's entire life and he's made it to 9 1/2 without me ever flipping out on him, neither physically nor verbally. Somehow, and I seriously don't know how, I manage to keep in the insanity until he's asleep or at school or whatever. I know you feel bad, but slamming the counter when your daughter's far away is ok in my opinion and a good, safe way to release frustration when you aren't in front of her (which would probably frighten her). As far as smacking my husband, I haven't done that either, but oh my god, I have wanted to. My h is a very sweet, caring and understanding guy and sometimes this evenness drives me insane. How come I'm the one who always loses it? How come he never freaks out? That's the things that get me. I've told him I wanted to hit him, but I've never done it.

Hm, I guess I didn't really have any advice for you after all, but know that you aren't alone.