You are definately brave for posting this. I have the same problem with checking out during sex. So much so that my sons father and I were together for 5 years before we made it past anything past holding hands and an occasional kiss. What fixed this first problem of getting from the couch to the bed came from a planned parenthood therapist. She said "number one who says you have to make it to the bed (the couch is a fine place) stop trying so hard those that try so hard usually are concentrating on achieving rather than enjoying the moment. At the first sign of shutting down call a stop to all activity, say to the person I need to slow down lets hold hands (or whatever you're comfortable with staying connected to) a bit longer. If he gets an attitude problem then obviously he's doing it for the wrong reasons (to release stress and other power trip type things) so he's not going to be connected to the moment either. There's nothing wrong with his finishing in the bathroom, solo works just as good for stress relief." By this time I was laughing at her picturing her telling her husband to hit the toilet not the floor which is one of her bathroom area complaints about men. anyway then she told me to start out light and easy with a back massage and let things develop from there. Well being a survivor of sexual abuse I didn't expect it to work. It worked the first time. we never made it to the bed and the couch worked out just fine. But then afterwords he asked so did you? I looked at him and said if he had to ask obviously I didnt otherwise he would have felt the muscles contracting. So it was again back to planned parenthood. She asked me if I ever masterbated. Yea right uh huh no way thats gross you name it I said it. She looked at me and said if you don't know what pleases you and what it takes for you to acheive an orgasm by yourself how can you tell your partner how to get you there? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME I HAVE TO TELL HIM WHAT GETS ME THERE IT DOESNT JUST HAPPEN? She laughed. Sometimes it does just happen but that is because the partners know eachothers body language so well that the partner can do those things without being told for the most part a big part of great sex is great communication between partners both verbal and body language. So I figure Im already in this as deep as I can get so I asked her how to Masturbate. She said first I had to learn what feels good to me in non sexual ways. a bath, body lotions, just being held, or laying in the v of some pillows. then after I know these things I can incorporate them into learning about what types of touch movements and so on feel good to me sexually. Since I am my most relaxed and comfortable in the bathtub thats where I should start learning about myself and my body. Once I have achieved a few orgasms on my own then invite my partner into the bathroom with me. It was about a month later when I had that first one and my sons father soon grew to love taking baths and showers together. There are some really great books out there and a great show called Talk sex with Sue that airs on the Oxygen Channel. Sue Johanson is a canadian nurse/sex therapist and she also has a great website. The show and her website profiles books, toys you name it its there and if not email and they will find an answer.