(((jammer)))) I hear you, and plenty do here, sorry we are not IRL for you. It's tough to have to be an adult in taking care of ourselves. Isn't many of our wishes to be taken care of when things overwhelm us! You are strong. I think you have done well to tell us here. I hope you can find someone you can trust, IRL, maybe a support group? Keep trying! It's ok to be NOT ok ... we have to work at changing it grrrrrr