Shadowghost, I am so sorry you feel responsible for his death. When my brother died (and still) I definitely felt as though I played a major part in his death. But now, 16 years later, I am finally, barely starting to see that we all make our own decisions. It hurts and I think when we blame ourselves we are trying to figure out a reason why it hurts, or a reason why they died. It's all unexplainable, at least, you cannot explain away the pain. You feel responsible, but logically you are not. He was an adult and in control of himself. I hope you can learn to be easier on yourself.