Evening - I hope things are looking up.
It may be worthwhile chatting to a proffessional about some meds to help when situations like this arise. An anti-anxiety medication or some kind of sedative.

I just try and go to sleep when I feel that way. My logic is there to tell me otherwise, but I know about getting stuck in rut and really believing what your brain is telling you.
Do you see a T?
I also battle with issues around not thinking anyone cares - my T asked me to e-mail her every time I feel this way, put my thoughts on paper, and then she can reply, and confirm that if no-one else, she does give a damn.

And in your case: we are all here for you too!!!