I want to thank everyone for your replies. You all give me courage to believe I'm not so "weird" and that I shouldn't be ashamed.

WePow, I'm trying to see it this way. It's just that it's for the wrong person. It's a physical form of transference. Thank you.

JD, thank you for your considerate reply. You explained everything in a very helpful way. I just want to clarify that I don't have any romantic desire for my T. It's more the infantile, childish feelings and the physical part just "happens". I trust my T 100% to talk about it without judging me.

I wonder if anyone has ever come up with a single word to describe the therapeutic relationship, since it is none of those you mentioned, but in some sense, can be "all" of them.

jexa, that is good advice. I wish I could take it, though. I can't stop the rehearsing.

lost, thank you. I'm sorry your T wouldn't talk to you about your feelings for him. The thing is that I know love does not have to be sexualized, and it is only in therapy that it goes it that direction. It's like the connection feels so intense for me, that maybe it's just inevitable for it to be sexualized.

zoo, thank you. Sorry I didn't just write out the word, LOL. My T is so easy to talk to even when I'm scared, and this issue is one I really, really want to work through since it has happened with my other Ts too.

cmac, thank you for sharing your experience with me. My T hasn't hugged me (I'm not sure I want her to) but I'm sure she feels the same way as yours. I'm glad you have such a good T!

sugahorse, thank you.

SAWE, thank you for the hugs and good wishes. I wasn't sure if I should post this thread, but I'm glad if it will help others, too.

mobius, thanks so much for sharing. Yes, thinking my "wires are crossed" is a good description of it. I'm not sure if I made that up or how it came to me. I'll tell that to my T. Yes, my T is wonderful and I know it's going to be an okay conversation. I'm just scared about it anyway because of the subject.