So, I have always struggled with relationships and I have been dating this really great guy for 2 months now. We have been seeing a lot of each other and I am scared cuz I actually think I have found the right one for me. It's apparent that he loves me (I love him too) and he treats me so good. Yet, here I am again trying to sabotage a good thing for myself. He actually calls and texts me everyday and always makes an attempt to communicate. He also wants to see me every chance he gets and I am really happy with him. He told me he wanted to come over tonight, but I said he shouldn't cuz I don't want him to see me like this. Then, he said I understand and he said let me know if you change your mind and wanna come over here. That made me feel kinda hurt that he did not insist on coming over anyway. :-( I feel confused. I feel like I should be alone, but that might only make me feel worse. I also have other things stressing me out right now such as being a full time college student (I haven't been doing too well lately with that) and having a full time job. It's a lot more difficult than I thought to juggle all this stuff.

We didn't even have a fight until a few days ago. That was our first real fight. A fight that was started by me really and I feel bad cuz it was something that should not have mattered at all. I got all upset cuz he told me he thought that one of my favorite movies of all time was just okay and he didn't really want to watch it with me cuz he had already seen it. I don't think I was being fair getting all upset and overreacting to opinions on a movie, but it was moreso the idea that he wasn't willing to watch it with me that hurt. I would watch any movie with him even if I didn't like it. He told me after the fight he was willing to watch it with me, but I declined and said I didn't wanna watch it anymore after that. I let the fight go on for about 3 hours and I kept getting all down on myself and talking about hurting myself. I didn't really wanna do that looking back, but I now think I did as an attempt to push him away cuz he has been getting so close to me. I have no idea why I do that. I don't really think it's cuz I am afraid, but I don't know. Maybe it is. Does anyone else here do this with people? I could certainly use some support on how to get through this. I used to see a counselor for my problems, but I stopped going to her cuz I simply could not afford it anymore. I have medical insurance and even with that, it cost me a $40 co-pay each visit. :-( If it wasn't so expensive, i'd go back. My medical insurance really isn't the best so it would be the same no matter where I go really cuz that is the co-pay for a specialist. I just really don't wanna end up pushing this guy away too.