I know (IRL) a couple of dozen people with various kinds of autism, spread around the spectrum pretty evenly (though I don't know anyone who's fully non-verbal except over the Internet). They're about two-thirds guys, and the rest girls; and I've been noticing some gender differences.

Girls tend to be better with language and communication; their speech tends to be more fluid and uses tone of voice better. (But there's one musically gifted guy whose speech is almost indistinguishable from normal; he's classic autistic, and the best of all of us at talking. Just goes to show that speech delays don't mean everything. I highly suspect he's hearing tone of voice like he listens to music; because that's what I do, and how I learned to follow the patterns.)

When they're utterly stressed, guys tend to be more physically expressive. I've heard them talk about yelling, stomping, even punching things. Girls tend to shut down, cry, lose the ability to speak, etc., and have meltdowns with a lot less physical energy than the guys.

Girls tend to get married earlier. I've met a lot more home-makers than careerwomen (but I know one who is a highly skilled research scientist); girls move out a little earlier, but guys tend to be more independent when they do move out (most of the girls I know transitioned to roommates, college dorms, or assisted living places before they managed independence; guys went at it with a more sink-or-swim approach). They have jobs in everything from landscape work to engineering. About half the autistics I know are living independently without financial assistance; the other half are on disability or living with parents.

Girls tend to be asexual more often than guys; but I've met equal numbers gay/lesbian autistics (and more than typical; it seems to be closer to 20% non-heterosexual).

At first I thought I might be seeing some essential difference between male autistics and female autistics. But eventually I looked at them more closely and checked my knowledge about sociology; and it started looking like it didn't have to do with autism directly--but with how society and its gender norms responds to autistic people.

Think about the way they respond to females who are depdent, versus males who are dependent... about the social expectations on a married man versus a married woman... about the way men aren't supposed to cry, but women can; and how women talk and are expected to talk more.

This is probably some kind of complex nature/nurture equation--what we expect of different genders; what roles we expect people to take, and what we find unacceptable or acceptable in the different genders. And it affects autistic people, too, however little we actually pick up social norms.

I wonder if this mightn't be part of the reason for the severe under-diagnosis of female autistics. We may consider some of the less obvious autistic traits to be more "normal" in girls, and not realize she needs help unless she turns out unable to speak (and speech is often a strength with girls, at least by a few percentiles)...

I wish I knew more than two dozen. It would be easier to see the patterns amidst all the random variance.

What are your observations? Do male and female autistics get treated differently? Do you think your gender affected your diagnosis and the therapy/accommodations you have access to?