thank you perna. sometimes it takes someone else showing you what you already know to really see it. we did couples therapy for a few months, but he never seemed to take it seriously. i told him as much yesterday as well. he said we could try it again, but based on past history, if I don't set it up then it won't happen. that's part of what i've been struggling with. i don't want to be the only one responsible for our relationship. we've had our ups and downs, but this is the first time the connection i felt for him is gone.