Thanks Perna!
We are going to see the child pdoc tomorrow, get advice on trying medication. I've been reading up on the CHADD site, and it seems that a directed therapy that focuses on behavioral change can be very helpful.
So, I'll have to talk to the PsyPhD about her approach, which seems rooted in play therapy. My son does not understand why he has to keep going BACK. He may feel more satisfied if he knows that there is a goal, outcome, reward. I want him to feel some success, some self-knowledge.

My husband is coming around. He still has times when he thinks a good whuppin' would resolve the behavior issues. "Cause that's what his parents did....and he turned out OK....
So, some parent training is likely in order! We will need the down-to-brass-tacks version.