The question now is how to handle holiday invitations. I certainly don't want to go to a party and get hurt by their actions. I don't need that. I've thought about doing volunteer work on Christmas and tell them we are and so we can't join them. They have this tradition of drawing names and writing a poem for that person. It takes HOURS to go through and people get drunker and drunker and louder as the hours pass. Do we tell them just leave us out of the draw at Thanksgiving?