I had my session this morning. It was so hard. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I called my T this afternoon and left her a message. I apologized for not being able to find my words so many times in session. I told her I know she must get frustrated at having to tell me the same things, over and over. Keep breathing. Open your eyes. Put your hands down. Stay here. Stay here.

I've been waiting all day and night for her to call me back. I need her to call me back. She didn't and now it's so late, I don't think she will. This freaks me out, makes me feel alone, makes me feel so sad and scared. I didn't want to be alone with this. She told me I wouldn't have to be. I trusted her. I have learned to trust her. But here I am, alone with it.

I feel like a failure in therapy already. Now I feel like a therapy failure who has been rejected by her T. It's not a great way to feel.