Maybe he is depressed because he hasn't seen any action? If he feels that he did nothing to contribute he could be hiding a lot more than just his emotions toward marriage.

Maybe asking someone who has been over there could give you some insight into behaviours that you are seeing or not seeing from your husband. He could be very chronically depressed and feel like a failure because he didn't do what he hoped to while he was over there? I am not judging him as that please don't think that at all
I just think that when I've not completed something that I was ready to do I get the feeling that I have failed. It's possible that he feels that way because of his reaction and his inability to show interest in anything?

Hope you get this sorted out...it is possible that you really don't want to be seperated but you just don't know which way to turn or what to do...

Rhiannon