((((((((((((((((Zoo))))))))))))))))

This work is SOOOOOO hard Of course you have big feelings in reaction to it...that doesn't make you a failure at all. My guess is it means you're doing the work that you really need to do.

I HATE when I need T and he's not there. I've made up tons of stories when it's happened - he doesn't like me, I'm too needy, he's tired of me, etc etc. I've pictured him hearing my message and rolling his eyes and feeling irritated. I'm SURE it's me and my neediness driving him away.

But that has never, ever, EVER been the case. He hasn't got my message, or he's had an emergency in his own life, or he was out all night and got home too late to call, or some other really valid reason that had nothing to do with me. I think one hard thing about the boundaries is how it feels like T "disappears" and we don't know where they are or how to reach them. When I know even a TEENY bit about what is going on with T, it helps so much. Like right now, he is preparing for a big retreat for the staff of something he is involved with. I know it takes a lot of his time. Just knowing that makes me more likely to think "he's busy" than "he hates me".

Call again today, zoo. She's told you that she wants to help you, and there's no reason to think that's changed. I know that doing the really icky, hard stuff made me feel a million times more unlovable, but T told me it's just the opposite - that my willingness to do the hard work only increased his respect and his love for me. I bet the same is true for you and your T.