Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa
I just want to add, before I head out the door, that I realized it's just easier to be angry. It feels activating and powerful. Being hurt just feels like being victimized all over again. Being angry, having this righteous indignation, it feels better than being a door mat. Which is why I won't call her and say "why didn't you call me?". Because that's not something a powerful person would do, that's something that someone begging for table scraps of attention would do, and I'm sick of being that person.
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This is very insightful, Zoo.
I do both... I am the beggar, and then I get indignant and angry
at myself for being one. Then anger makes me tired after a while and I am back to being a beggar.
It's a no-win. I try not to think about it, there is no way I will be anything but a beggar with the power imbalance that is built into the process, and when I do get angry, I (like you?) am SO TIRED of hearing, good for you being angry! that's what a powerful person would do! but I know I don't have power, it's only anger
at myself - which is depression.
What a house of mirrors. Here, my dear, sit by me and we will grrrr together for a while. and if you don't mind ... this too
