Quote:
Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge
What would I give for my T to say that to me.
When I ask her about my family member who recommends I quit, all she will say is, that's entirely up to you; you are free to go at any time. (Read: so hit the road, and don't let the door bang you in the ***** on the way out. I have other clients.)
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(((((sawe))))))
I don't think that's what your T is saying, but if my T said that to me I would feel the same way you do. It was really, really healing to me to have my T say those words. It means a lot. I keep going back to where I wrote it down and re-reading it in case it wasn't real.
I have read here of other Ts saying similar things to what your's said, so I think it's a thing. One of those mysterious T things that they learn. I know it depends on the T, but I think it's not uncommon for certain types of Ts to take that stance, regardless of how they feel about the client, that they shouldn't try to convince them to stay or to go.
Anyway, I'm trying to say, I can see how you would read it as T not caring about you. In reality, she could care very much, but she feels her stance should be one where you have the choice and aren't staying just to please her. Some people here (treehouse!) would be brave enough to ask their T right out how s/he feels about them. I would not be that brave. I'm lucky that my T has figured out what I need to hear without me having to say it, because I could never ask her how she feels.
The last time I went through a thing where I almost quit, I told my T about it after the fact. I told her I already decided to stay, but throughout the week I had gone through the process of deciding to quit and then changing my mind. Anyway, she said "so you're sticking around?" and I said "If you'll let me..." and she said "It's not whether I will let you or not. I want you to keep coming. I want to do this trauma work with you. I want to get you to the other side of it and see what that's like for you. I want that." It was the closest I ever came to asking her how she felt about me, and her words are still with me, all these months later.
And even knowing that, I still have days like today where I think I have to quit T in order to maintain my sanity. I guess that's a sign that I'm still in need of therapy, lol. I always think, well, sure, she said that then but this is NOW and she probably doesn't mean it anymore. It's an inability on my part to be able to trust in any kind of permanence. I really hope I outgrow that someday
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She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said.
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