thanks

I do think some of it has to do with me changing. I'm more assertive than I used to be, and I don't want to be treated the way I used to let some people treat me. I think with the friend I had the HUGE conflict with on Tuesday AND with my H, that is part of the issue. Although the thing with H truly did come out of the blue...it was obviously something that's been building up.

And Sunny, I do think the H think was kind of PTSD related now that you mention it. I spent my childhood in SUCH fear all the time - to the point that I had to split off and create other parts of me to deal with some of it. There was NO way I could let my guard down and just let myself experience a happy moment, because I never knew what was coming next. And when I DID let my guard down, I usually ended up paying for it. Last night I had my guard WAY down, because that's what I am trying to learn to DO in therapy, and there it was - the anger out of nowhere. Blah and obviously it's nothing like the anger from my childhood, but it triggers that fear, and it's just scary

I am trying really hard to get refocused and just get through the day today. I barely slept last night, so I am TIRED. H went to work early this morning, so I only saw him for a few minutes this morning. I have a busy day, with lots of activities and stuff I have to do, and I have obligations until 8:30 tonight, so I'm just going to try to get through until then and keep my brain shut off.

I'm not going to call T I don't know what to do. I don't know if he'll think it's better if I muscle through it on my own or if I call and ask for what I need. I really don't.