T called.

I told him I don't know what I need. He said "maybe connection?". But I think I needed THERAPY, because I just started right in with everything that's going on and how I feel.

T said that there is SUCH a clear diving line between Chapter 1 and Chapter 2. That Chapter 1 was almost all internal - "from the skin in" - and that Chapter 2 is so external. He said that maybe chapter 2 is about learning about me with other people. Which sounds impossibly hard right now, but I know he's right.

I guess I feel better in that I know that T understands what's going on and how I'm feeling. Just being heard and understood is HUGE for me. Now I just have to hang on until tomorrow.

I think I feel a little disappointed. I really thought, during the last couple of years, that I would tell the story and I would finally be "all better". I see now that it's not that simple - there's still so much more work to do. It makes me feel SO messed up.