Time0, I have forgiven my abuser... she was my grandmother. I can either choose to continue hating her and feeling all the bad emotions, being tied down by them,... or I can choose to not let her control the rest of my life that way.

She was dead when I found out what she had done to me as a child. I hated her, imagined all kind of evil things to do to her to make her "pay" for a very long time. I was sorry that she was dead because all I could do was "imagine" these awful things to do to her... like literally skin her alive and rejoice in her screams... but all that did was to keep her abuse of me going on and on and on... as long as I had these feelings and thoughts... or...

I could not so much "forgive" her, but consider the environment in which she had been brought up, probably suffering the same things that she made ME suffer, muster what little pitty I can for her (not very much!!!!) and make the conscious decision to put it aside so that I could move on with my own life WITHOUT her control.

If she had been alive, I can't say what I would have done or said to her, but now, I would probably not let her touch me in any way, shape or form, and if she started calling me the names she used to, I'd simply walk out of her house which was my mother's house. They were always joined at the hip. Dealing with my mother's feelings would be yet another story. But you CAN separate your feelings from a person.

I'm afraid that in your situation, it is ALMOST impossible to do because you live with that person. I said "almost" on purpose. It takes a great deal of courage and maneuvering to accomplish it when it faces you every day. In my present situation with my husband, I have had to learn to separate my emotions from his so that when he wants to "abuse" me, I don't receive it as such. It's taken me 15 yrs to even begin to accomplish such a feat but I consciously made the decision to take him back into my home. It's a balancing act.

When my husband "abuses" me emotionally, he's automatically forgiven so that I don't hold grudges and resentments because if I did, I would be doing MYSELF a disservice. In order to short circuit his abuse, I depend on myself for everything as much as possible. It's a long, difficult and painful process and most of all, a CHOICE that is made. I don't recommend it to anyone.

{{{{{{{{{Time0}}}}}}}}}}