Ahhhhh, that's how it feels inside. Like a big sigh of relief. Like all is well.

I saw T today. It was SUCH a relief to go and process the events of the week. Sometimes I feel like I am stumbling through life and it's HUGE to be able to go to a safe person who has nothing but my best interests in mind and say "this happened, this happened, this happened" and to find out if I handled things right, if my feelings make sense, if what's going on is part of normal life. I feel like I am growing up. My 13 year old often comes to me and tells me what's going on with him, his friends, etc, and I can listen and tell him what it was like for me and offer guidance where he needs/wants it. No one ever did that for me, but T is doing it for me now.

There was a moment when I was telling him about a dream I had about the CSA when I felt everything slipping away and me leaving and I asked him to tell me a story to keep me there and he did, and I stayed. Staying meant I was sitting there with the yucky CSA feelings...but I was THERE, with T, and it was safe, and I made it through it.

There is something so precious about having this person who knows me inside and out. I can tell him anything now, and he "gets" it. He knows me SO well, he knows my story and my history, he knows the ups and downs of my current life, he knows my reactions and my fears and the things I love and the things that are hard for me - I never have to fill him in on the background. I just say "this happened" and he can fill in ALL of the gaps. To be known SO well, and still loved, is amazing.

I love when I feel better. Today, I feel better.