Hey everyone,

first post here so have some patience

I just got out of a relationship with a girl that lasted three months. This is the third relationship that has ended with me breaking up. And being relieved.

My last relationship came about pretty quickly. I'd met this girl a few times at social events over a period of a year, then decided to ask her out. We hit it on pretty quickly and things got somewhat intense, then when we started dating it cooled down pretty quickly for me. I started getting annoyed with her, felt she was invading my space, that she was controlling me. So I stuck with it for a while, thinking I just wasn't used to being in a relationship (the two before were pretty brief), all the while keeping these feelings inside because it didn't make sense to me why I would feel this way. That got me so depressed I eventually ended the relationship.

I just see this pattern where if a girl comes too close, I start feeling the pressure and want out. It is like I can't take anyone having a say in my life, especially girls. I'm okay with female friends, though I don't have any close one, mostly the girlfriends of mates. And I don't feel stressed about them.
I have wondered a lot why I feel this way. It's like a rage. They get too close and I feel controlled, manipulated and not in charge of my own life. Sometimes I wonder if this is somewhat tied to my mother. She was pretty overbearing when I grew up, explosive anger, controlling, yet I deeply care about her. She was the one to run the family, my ally. And I guess I sort of became her help in the family, cooked, took care of my brothers. I was the one who was responsible, the kid who got good grades, the one who went to church. Yet there's been a lot of anger and ambivalence towards her. She overstepped some of my private boundaries when I was younger, though I don't think that had sexual undertones. I had some random infections that kids get, worms, urinary tract infections etc. I just remember the intense humiliation of having to pull down my pants for her «inspections» and her eager «playing doctor» on me (she's a nurse). There was no saying no.
Also there have been times where I have felt uncomfortable walking around her with my t-shirt off, like the way she looked at me felt «eerie». Lock that with her coming to me to talk about her relationship with my dad, it has made me feel the need to back off sometimes. It's just taken some time to acknowledge the need for strict boundaries.

So I've wondered if all the issues I have with other girls is somehow tied to her. That I'm projecting my image of her on other girls. I have wondered if therapy might help, but I feel to proud to go see my GP about this.

Michael, 24