Hello ThePainNeverDies,

I read your initial post with a sinking feeling in my stomach, hoping against hope that you would reel your energy in and slow down; knowing you were in for a bit of a drop. You seemed to be in a rebound falling in love with the first man who treated you better than your ex did. That usually happens with people out of abusive relationships. I felt too when I read that you had told him you loved him that he would react in a negative manner.

What I took from his response to you was that he was trying to help you to get stronger and more personal power, to get your life back on track. He was encouraging you not falling in love with you. I felt bad for you because I felt what was coming.

You are now "confused, stuck and want to be loved". And the difference from your first post which was only 3 weeks ago is disturbing.

It seems that you don't just want love and adoration, you need it and you will fall in love with each man that comes along until you find the one that says "I love you" back to you. So on top of your abuse issues, you are now compounding them with rejection issues. Your need to be loved and wanted is very clear in your considering marrying a friend because he is a good man, not because you love him; in fact you state clearly that you don't love him and don't see him as a life partner.

You should be relationship free for at least 12 months to allow yourself to find your own feet, sort yourself out and train yourself not to be in love with the idea of being in love. Because at the moment you are a relationship disaster waiting to happen. You will be neurotic in a relationship which is something you do not need. You need to be strong and confident in yourself, in who you are and what direction you are headed in.

Get strong for yourself and you will never regret it, stay as you are and you will have a string of relationships or marriages behind you that you will more and more time to recover from as you go through life...

((((((((lots of hugs & support))))))))

Rhiannon