Hi Pamela! First off, it's good to see you back. I don't know if I have an explanation for the violence and the temper and playing things over and over, but can tell you that I relate Blueoctober has good comments, and yeah, the BP does intensify such things. Also about that everyone loses their temper sometimes. I've found it useful to apologize fairly quickly after I calm down enough. No excuses, BP etc, just so sorry that I did that and reassuring them how much I care about them. No promises for the future (ie. "I'll never do it again..") because I don't *know* that and would rather not make a promise I can't necessarily keep. But what I can do, and do know, is that we're in the present and that's the action we can take and mean. When we're mortified over our actions, it's hard to let go, but when we take restorative measures, it's all we can really do, and we need to remind ourselves of that. We can't go back. You wrote the letter and are dealing with it positively, which is all anyone can do, if that is any consolation for helping to put it to rest in your mind. Granted, we never really forget our worst moments, but we can move forward from them. It will take some time, please try to be gentle with yourself.