Peaches, that was such an honest email you sent to your T. I am really glad you stuck with this. You needed more healing and you "went for it." That's fantastic!! You took risks with no guarantee of a good outcome, but yet you got one. That is how it is so often. We never know if our risk of letting ourselves be vulnerable will be worth it or result in healing or love or other good things. Sometimes we can crash and burn, and I know you have had many disappointments in your life growing up. So it took a lot to keep with it and not shy away from your feelings. I loved reading this thread and your "happy ending" after you got T's email.
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I know this email is inconvenient and annoying. But the alternative is to tell you in session....
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We don’t need to talk about the specific email incident anymore. We don’t even need to talk about our relationship, or attachment....
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But you did talk about it at your session, peaches, and so much good came of it. There is no way you could have had that important conversation through a series of emails. In the future, when you are reluctant to talk about your feelings and make yourself vulnerable and tempted to instead write all that in an email to your T, I hope you can recall what happened in session, face to face, with your T, and draw inspiration from it.
I loved your T's response. It was so very honest. Now was not a time for her to go all formal and aloof and refuse to self-disclose. And she didn't. She came through with flying colors and told you so much about herself and her relationship with you as well as others in her life. She was so very real. Without getting defensive, she was also very able to look at what you called to her attention about herself and discover something new about herself and share with you her desire to learn more about herself and perhaps even to change.
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I didn’t say anything wrong. She wasn’t trying to discourage my attachment. She just feels a bit uncomfortable when it comes to expressing her feelings and did not know how to respond to a message like the one I sent!
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I breathed such a huge sigh of relief to read your realization. Yay!!!
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She told me No, she does not get those kinds of emails from her other clients.
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That must have felt good to hear that. I am sometimes hesitant to accept the "specialness" of my relationship with my T and can fall into telling myself that oh he is that way with all his clients, oh he has gone through this a thousand times with clients, oh he would do this for any client, etc. And it really isn't true. It is so validating to get acknowledgement from the T on this.
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I think things are finally getting back on track again.
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Yay! 
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if i can "hang onto this" in my heart,...
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I was thinking this morning about what my t told me yesterday and am kind of questioning something.
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Ummmm, Peaches, you're not hanging onto this in your heart. You're going into distrustful hyper-analytic mode and trying to shortchange yourself some joy and healing from your session with T. Can you give yourself a few days or weeks to savor what happened between you and your T? It was great! You deserve to take your time with this and not immediately launch into more doubt and distrust. Peaches, you really do deserve this. Please slow down and enjoy....
