I'm sorry you had such a horrible childhood! When we are that young, our experiences aren't very many and what few we have, loom large in our psyches. A major "part" of your life was this incident of your mother trying to stab you to death. It's hard to have to use the word "mother" with all it's connotations of love and care and nurturing, etc. when one's experience is the exact opposite! That's not something that can change easily, if at all; I imagine you have some stiff post traumatic stress going with those memories being so important.

I'm really really sorry the other mother and her problems remind you so strongly of what you were finally feeling better about, knowing your mother is dead. It must be hard thinking "any" mother similar to yours might come after you.

I think if I were in your situation I would try to make some really good friends. I would join a group(s) or have roommates I enjoyed, try to surround myself with "good" people I felt safe around so they could help me reassure myself when I wasn't as able to.