Do you think I'm testing her? I know that one email is all right, but this time I responded back to her email, and she then wrote back. Today my "excuse" was that she had asked me to email her the name of a documentary I saw (nothing really to do with my therapy) so I did that, but of course wrote more. I'm panicking that it's too much. I could have put the name of the film in the first email. Instead, I wrote about my parts fighting the feelings for her, and not sure if I should have emailed her again. I said I wanted the "container connection" at the session; that's why I'm so upset.

She trusts me too much, just ignores the fact that I get triggered by the connection. She has good boundaries, but is very casual, like asking me to email the name of the film. My former T would never have asked me something like that! It may be that she wants me to see her as a "normal" person, doesn't want me to fantasize about our relationship. Something like that--I'm just guessing.

I feel like this therapy is going to cure me or kill me. That's what I said about the last one, though. I have to get this "wanting" T out of my system by letting those parts attach to her and see what happens. I'm just so scared right now.