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Thank you all so much, i don't feel alone or a freak. Matter of fact, last night I tried one of cold october coping skill. I told my mind to "stop" over and over again. That night, I had 5 hours of sleep, thank god. As for the medication, I do agree, the Risparadone with drawals are horible. I can tell the I am with drawing based on the twitches and sweating i do at night.
Again, you all have been such a help for I am not alone in my feelings and some of the actions and mind sets I have exhibited over the past 33 years. I appreaciate that you all understand.
Thanks again.
Pam
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Sometimes I am high and sometimes I am low.
Everyone around me but I am always alone.
Hour by hour and week by week,
I deal with myself and I never feel complete.
I want to be normal; I want to be sane,
No matter what I do, I always feel the pain.
“Stop the mania and fight back,
It’s all in your head”
I wish I could do it; I would rather go to bed.
Sometimes I am high and sometimes I am low,
I wish they could see me, so I won’t be alone. 
By Pam
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