elana, this really hits home for me. I had a similar situation earlier today. I had an errand I needed to run, but didn't feel ok leaving the house. I know I could mail the paperwork I was going to drop off, instead of taking it there myself. So, I had to decide, take it in person or mail it in?

I ended up calling my T and asking her advice, because I felt like yes, I could push myself to go do it, but it didn't feel "right". She said, the more I push myself to do things in the face of my anxiety, the more I will heal. And I do believe that. But in the end I have to live in my skin and my head and sometimes I'm the only one who can decide what is RIGHT for me in the moment.

Anyway, I wanted to share that with you, because it really seems similar to what you are going through. And I'm sorry you are going through a rough time right now