I think this was a great idea for a thread as I often feel I would like to share how I feel but never enough to open a new thread so I just troll the others reading how everyone else is doing and occasionally posting some support or something of the sort.

Today I am feeling manic. My T went to a new center to work and yesterday was my last day of barely over a year of therapy with her (she was also my first). I feel like I have lost my best friend and the only person in the world who understands and is nice to me. I feel like I am unimportant, inconsequential, very betrayed and abandoned. It was a good move for her, more money and less politics of the center I was seeing her at (they are affiliated).

I am currently taking Depakote, Seroquel, Ativan per my pdoc and they had me on Zoloft when I came out of CSU 3wks ago. (My T had me put in for stabilization as she suspected I was going to hurt myself. The same day later on she found out she was moving centers.)

The zoloft makes me very manic and so we had discontinued it, been in quite a destructive/depressed hole all this week and tuesday took a lot of a lot of different meds, made myself regurgitate them quick enough but was in a messed up place in my head from them all.

So today I started my morning with Depakote and decided to take some Zoloft too. Been up and manic, doing all kinds of stuff not really thinking much, until about an hr ago. Starting to come down so I "self-medicated" with something that has been a crutch of mine for many yrs.

Trying so hard not to feel the loss of T but last 2hrs am having to try harder to block the thoughts as it hurts so bad and is so confusing for me. I am scared and alone again (not physically but in my head) it's terrifying in here as it was before she came along.

Plenty more to say but I am sure no one wants to hear it. I just wish I still had her to talk to..... Or that I had never let anyone know the inside of me in the first place. Like Someone opened the door on me changing and now I cant take back them seeing me naked.

IMO It is NOT better to have loved and lost... Better ignorance is bliss.....