Treehouse... since it is hurting you this much... open your heart and trust the process... You have invested too much into the relationship to let yourself suffer because of this. Your T knows your heart and knows you are not "one of those" who did this to stalk him or cause him harm. You do love him and it was there. You were like a curious kid who finds mom's jewelry chest unlocked and decides to play dress up :-) He will understand this about you because he does know you.

This is one of those times when I sense you will need to go ahead and trust the therapy process. Allow him the right to be shocked at first or have his initial response. But allow him the right to collect his thoughts around it and process it. You can finally trust that he also has too much invested in the relationship to harm you.

Like I told my T a few weeks ago, things happen in the relationship between T and client. Both make mistakes as we go along. But it is like being in the car with a good friend - you don't dump your friend along the highway just because they fart. :-)

You CAN work through this. He is going to see how much pain you caused yourself through your actions. And that will show him how much you DO respect him.