I understand how you feel when you say that you don't live life, that you just exist. That's how I feel about my life sometimes too. I know how it is to go the shrink and not be able to say some things because of that door that you are so afraid to open. I was sexually abused when I was a child and than later on. I have dissociated for most of my life and have a hard time getting to feelings or sharing them with someone else. The trust just isn't there and there's too many walls up. I long to just be normal, like everyone else. I wish that I could tear down those walls.

I went to a partial hospitalization program in the past. They had it every day, for the entire day. They had group therapy, educational group sessions, and I believe that it helped to see that other people felt the way that I do. It also helped me to open up a little. So, if you're considering it I can say that it did help me and there are times when I feel like you do now. That's the time, I believe, to reach out and try something new, anything that will help you to get through it.

I understand your pain and I wish that I could do something to make you feel better. I know that you feel alone, but you're not. I read your posts yesterday and I've been thinking about you ever since, because I related so strongly to the things that you said.

I believe that there has to be a better tomorrow. I refuse to let go of that dream. I have been close to death and know that it's not the answer. I know the answer is within me and I will fight and struggle and keep trying because I know that I matter to someone. And I want you to know that you matter to me. I hope to know you better. Maybe together we could share this burden and support one another until that day comes, and it will, where we can let down our defenses, allow people to see inside.