(((((treehouse))))) I think you want very much to maintain safe and firm boundaries with your T, and you feel you stepped over his. Why does that feel so awful? I'm not saying it shouldn't, but I would feel this asymmetry too. I am always way more concerned about stepping over my T's boundaries instead of his stepping over mine (not that he does). I am actually that way with everyone. Their boundaries count, but I don't get to have them, or I talk myself into not feeling invaded when people cross mine. Do I even have any? Those are rather roundabout thoughts, but somehow I see your strong concern for possibly having stepped across T's boundaries as possibly matching with a tendency to be weaker about maintaining your own (you have said before how people have taken advantage of you in the past, which might be another way of saying they did not respect your boundaries). I am always bewildered how people can cross my boundaries (my doormat behavior) when I go out of my way to be ultra-respectful of theirs. Maybe I am just always hoping that people will respect my boundaries if I respect theirs. And that's my only way of telling people my boundaries--by being very respectful of theirs.

I don't think I'm being very comforting about this, treehouse, but I hope you can stop beating yourself up about this for now and wait to deal with it when you see T. I think your reaction to what you did is very much worth exploring in therapy, once you get past telling your T and learning that it does not mean the end of the relationship. I believe very strongly that your T will understand.