Sanity and Gus,

Thank you so much, first off my children are grown and on their own. When I refer to my baby's I mean my pets. He won't take care of them, and has already been abusive to them.

Secondly, I really don't know my neighbors well enough to ask for this kind of help. But if it came down to it I could run to one of the houses. You see we have done such a great job at hiding this. You never really know what is going on behind closed doors. H has built such a picture perfect frame around us, that I doubt anyone would believe me.

When I say I'm scared, I mean I'm scared of my reaction. I am no longer afraid of him only angery and fustrated. I don't love him, but that doesn't mean I don't care. 20 some yrs. is a life time and my third time around. His 3rd time to.

I could tell some real horror stories but I won't do that. To many triggers!

I think I would just be much happier by myself. But I'm affraid I won't be able to support myself if I just walk away again. I'm to old to be starting over again. But seems inevitable!

So I need to keep calm and not provoke him. Since he came home around 5pm. So there will be no alone time. I believe he can sense that I am planning on leaving. So that is my dilema.

What really pi$$es me off his Mr. Charming act that he puts on, and has everyone except my sister believing that he is Mr.Wonderful. Not that I'm perfect. But he has my own family blamming me, for being such a B-T-H.
Don't they see that he has made me this way. Him and my past.

I'm so sorry for going on and on about this but I have no one to talk to and wright now this is my life line. Thanks for listening-reading and all your support, you really have no idea how much this has done for me.

I have met some really wonderful people here and appreciate you all so much. I wish I was a millionare, I would build a community for all of us who have no one, no where to go at times like this. A place of safety, love, support and help. For all that needed it. I dream big, hah

I'll keep you posted.
Luv yas,