Once again, thank you everyone for continuing to respond. It is so helpful for me to know that I'm not just crazy making this up...

I was so desperately hoping that I would be better by now but I think I'm only stagnating. I did actually manage to walk to the mailbox yesterday... I could feel myself wanting to slip into the cracks in the sidewalk as the neighbor pulled up right next to me... It's odd... that for those brief moments I saw the cloudless sky and the newly paved cul-de-sack, part of me wants to simply run through the long grass barefoot like a little kid. But then I remember that I do not belong in the world and no amount of longing will change that fact...

I am so tired of being alone. All this time I've been little more than a dust mite occupying space in this dark, dark house...

I am so worthless; I just want to be useful again.