Just want to send some support to you, Tree, and echo all those who are saying trust the process and your T to get you through this gently, in his loving T way.

I've had some times when I really screwed up and didn't want to go to a session because I was dreading T's reaction to whatever I had done. Every time he was always his calm, gentle T self who made me feel better and glad I showed up. I was reminded that he could handle anything I brought before him even if I couldn't, and each time taught me that I should quit doubting and second guessing myself so much and start trusting him more.

Your T can handle this even if you can't.