I like T very much, but I always find aspects of my T that I don't like. It could be that I'm afraid of the closeness. If I feel close to her, then what does that mean? I'm not being facetious; I just don't get it. Why does she have to become so important to me? It hurts when I get too attached to Ts because I'm always going to be disappointed with them. My former T said the relationship just has to be "good enough." It's not going to be perfect.

We're going to try the EMDR with me watching her fingers. That means she is going to sit closer to me. I want desperately to get past my fear of being close to her-both emotionally and physically. I feel like there's this huge mountain I have to climb up, or bridge to cross, but it feels more like a cliff. Like I'm on the brink, but I never get there. I "almost" get there in my session, but I hold back because I don't want to fall over the edge. Then I have to send her painful emails about how I feel. She keeps telling me "it will take time" to feel better. I wish I could bypass this stage of "wanting her to be everything to me" but feeling guilty about that. I've never gotten beyond that in therapy.

I'm sorry I keep starting threads about the same subject.