Momma, unfortunately not everyone is as empathetic as we would like. I dont know that it's necessairily possible for them to understand where we're coming from as BPD or Bipolars much less what we need and how much their actions/words/inactions affect us. I am sorry that they are like that, just remember they dont experience the world the way you do and it may not be necesairily intentional for them to not be there the way you want.

Farmergirl: glad you son is back, and hope you are able to either raise your number or atleast fully appreciate/experience the number your at for what it is.

Blue: your giving all kinds of support, but how are YOU feeling today?

Clive: Glad to hear your "ok-ish" and having a chilled sunday, could be worse right =) I think its funny you say afternoon as its only 10am here lol.

As for me I have been up all night and feel like pure hell. I miss my T SO MUCH, so used to talking to her everyday on the weekend (she was nice enough to offer me a 30min call on sat & sun if I needed it) I just feel so lost with out her. She was my only support system and the one who grounded and helped to center me.

I am trying not to be in my hole but its proving to be VERY hard. I feel so abandoned, lost and alone and betrayed by her. Trying not to have "ideations" but thats not easy to control. Wish I had someone to talk to who understands what I am saying/ feeling like she did.... I just dont know what to do anymore...