(((Maxime))) sending you some hugs...

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so bad right now. Have you told your doctor, therapist, etc. that your treatment isn't working? Maybe there's something else that can be tried?

And if you are feeling suicidal or that you might hurt yourself, PLEASE get some help. If your instincts are telling you "go to the hospital", I think you should listen. Or, if that's not really an option, can you call a suicide hotline or something? (I'm not sure what's available where you live.) And, you can always keep posting here on PC.

I understand what you mean about having to take care of your mom, but remember: if you don't take care of yourself, you won't really be able to take care of her either. Taking care of yourself is the responsible thing to do; it's not selfish. (and yes, i know from experience that this is easier said than done!)

I hope things improve for you soon.

Take care,
~MT