hi need2

well, bravo for your courage. Seriously.. most people would not have the strength to openly state what you have. People in our culture tend to turn away from people with these kinds of problems because they don't understand the psychological grip it forms... but like addictions, eating disorders, OCD and many other "in your power" problems, it's just not easy.

find whatever ways you can to soothe the tension without causing yourself harm for now. That's the key... because you need help to overcome this. volunteering is a good idea, so is getting as into your school work as possible... find tangential ways of easing the thoughts until you can learn how to override them.

it isn't going to be fun... the thoughts won't really just go away with some pill or therapy. It's going to be a lot of you battling against how you react to them, just like now except with better skills and understanding. But you can win.

what other things make you feel good or happy? what other things make you feel positive things? when are you most likely to feel adequate or successful or appreciated? Think hard about that... think about positive times in your life when this was less intrusive and ask yourself what was different and how. Try to find more of those things now.

peace