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rainbow8 · Jul 25, 2010, 05:12 PM

What an amazing session, and what an amazing T you have, sunrise! It does sound like your session was difficult, painful, but very productive.

Quote:

I told him it would be very hard to say anything to my father, as there is no model in my family for how to talk about feelings or express or show love. T said if there is a good time to break all the family rules, it is now, before my father dies.

I can relate to this; my family was like that too. When my Mom died, I hadn't told her that I loved her and would miss her. We didn't have any conversation about her death and what it would mean, even though she was sick for a few years and we knew when the end was coming.

So, during my father's last years, even though he wasn't sick (at 93 and 94 I wasn't taking any chances) I started expressing my love by hugging and kissing him each time I visited. We never had any meaningful conversations, but I felt relieved that we were at least touching each other. We both said "I love you" and meant it in our own way. Doing that was breaking a family rule and it felt so strange at first, until I got used to it.

Sunrise, you won't regret it if you try to get closer to your father before he dies, but if you don't at least try, you probably will regret it. Even if it's hard, it's worth it.

Quote:

T said he was really only very close--in the groove--with a few people in his life: his wife, three friends that he listed by name, a colleague, and me, a client. He named ME as one of the people he is closest to in life.

He has told me before that I am one of his favorite people in the world, but somehow hearing myself enumerated in his select bunch was very, very touching.

Having a T say this to a client is probably every client's fantasy! It is such a credit to your health and stability that your T is comfortable telling you that.

If any of my Ts had told that to me, I would be majorly triggered and totally confused. It would cross boundaries and would probably be inappropriate. But, in your case, it's understandable and wonderful. I think you and your T should write a book!! It would show that every therapy is different, and the therapeutic relationship can be different with each client, and can be healing in its unique way for that client. It also shows that it's not always transference; you and your T just "click" together in an intimate, totally professional way. What a compliment to you, and a well-deserved one, if I might add.

Thank you for sharing your session with us.