I did send T an e-mail, asking what would happen if he were angry at me.

And when I sent it, I remembered ALL of the times that T has told me that whenever ANYTHING comes up between us, we will work through it. He says that's what we do best. He has told me since the beginning of therapy that if he gets angry, he won't leave - he says he is committed to me, and our work, and our relationship.

I am trying to hang on to that. I know T really does love me. And I'm afraid this will ruin that. Like even if therapy continues, it will be DIFFERENT. I'm afraid of being punished, and I feel like I *deserve* to be punished.

Growing up, the word "love" really had no meaning, although I didn't get that at the time. So love could be given and taken away at any moment. I don't want T to take his love away