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AkAngel · Jul 25, 2010, 11:27 PM

The part in quotes is my very first post here at PC:

Quote:

I’m a 45-year-old man in good health that has never had what I would call a healthy sex drive. Every relationship I’ve ever had has been impacted adversely by my lack of interest in sex. At the risk of being too explicit, I would rather just masturbate, as sex itself seems a bit too much like work. I can get the job done quicker and better by myself than I can with a partner. I am in a relationship now with a woman whom I love beyond my capacity to describe. We have not yet consummated our relationship sexually however, though that day is coming. It is not unusual for me to desire sex at this point in the relationship and this time is no exception, but I fear that my desire will follow the pattern of dropping off soon after the first time.

I’m not sure what else is germane but here’s a few thoughts: I love physical affection in a relationship – holding hands, cuddling, kissing, yet when it leads to sex I am disappointed that the cuddling or kissing is over, not excited that we are moving on. That leads to avoiding physical affection. I am a talented lover and have no problem communicating to my partner what my own likes and dislikes are as well – however, communicating to them that I prefer masturbation to sex with them because it’s too much like work isn’t a good option so please don’t suggest it..:.

I have since begun to see a therapist and while this is not the issue I went to see him about, we have discussed this in more detail which I'll share with you in a moment. First though, I can relate to your bf in many ways. While I don't lose an erection during intercourse, it is certainly not as hard as it is when I masturbate. I too have always been extremely affectionate and loving with my partners and I can make-out and cuddle all day long but when it comes to sex I am not interested. Like your boyfriend has said (and me too in the above quote) it's too much like work.

What I told my T was this: I don't care how talented a woman is or how many kegal reps she can do, her vagina cannot stimulate my penis with the same dexterity and control as she can with her hand. Oral sex probably falls somewhere in the middle for me. So, she is touching me...it feels good. Orgasm stops that feel good. Yes, orgasm does feel good but it is also the end - more so for a man than a woman. I can keep going for my partner, but once I've had an orgasm the only thing in it for me is the pleasure I get from satisfying my partner.

So for me, actual intercourse is the least stimulating of the ways that she can make me feel good. Because the stimulation has limited 'fine motor movement' if you will, it's like using a sledgehammer to open a locked door - gets the job done but a key is better. I have found that for me, a touch that gets me ever closer to orgasm works best. The longer I'm there, the more I want ... closer and closer to the edge... and the hang out there as long as possible. Eventually I am sensitive enough that almost anything can make me orgasm and at that moment - there is no difference between masturbation and intercourse to me, both are equally gratifying.

In my mind what most people do is start foreplay... and about the time it starts to feel good they say, let's get this over with. I know they don't really say that - but intercourse leads to climax which leads to the end. For me it's like going to a four star restaurant and telling them to put it in a to-go box cause you're going to eat it in the car on the way home. If you're in that much of a hurry that you can't stop and enjoy the meal, might as well go through the drive thru at McDonalds... or masturbate.

Good luck.