I've been so jealous of people today. In RL, I mean. Feeling like that only makes me want T more. I just want to sink down into her nice, comfy couch and stay there for the rest of my life!! Life is too overwhelming and scary for me.

zoo, thank you. I like when you said talk about it day and night. That's very comforting to me. Maybe if I could do that, I would feel better. If I could get all of the feelings out, either on paper or in my session, it would be such a relief. All the words, too. If you're reading, granite, you're not the only one who has trouble with words. Many words seem like they're just stuck inside of me, hiding. I want to shove them out, but they won't come.

geez, it's helpful to know I'm not alone with these kinds of feelings. Thank you.

Perna, then my attachment to T is for the purpose of learning something I didn't learn. I don't know what that is, though. Probably it's something to do with letting myself attach even though it's not going to be forever. Also not being afraid to let the other person "see" me. I want my T to "see all of me" and still like me.

sunrise,
I'm afraid of being human and of the other person's human-ness when I get close to someone, especially a T.

It feels so good to have my need to keep talking about this, validated. It feels almost as good as that "container connection."