Hi Rainbow. (I've been away -- no internet.)

Yes, it's about love, like you want. Yes, I want it too. And can't get it.

Sometimes I still feel needy for that special kind of (maternal) love. But I think what my T did was allow me to accept and enjoy the other kinds of love, the other kinds of joy in the world.

So, it's not so much that the neediness is gone, but that it's smaller. It doesn't matter so much because -- I guess I was sort of keeping myself empty because of wanting that particular kind of love. But now I don't do that so much. I let myself be filled up and nourished by other things, other kinds of connections. That's why it doesn't matter so much any more that she can't love me like my mother should have done.

It's like, I was completely fixated on wanting a macintosh apple. And she couldn't give me that, and it was horrible. What she could give me was a macoun apple, but at first I completely rejected that, I hated the idea of it. But now, I have finally tried the macoun. And it's very good. Not a macintosh. But still very good. And because I have the macoun, I don't need the macintosh. (Still long for it sometimes. But not nearly as much as before.)

OK, I don't know if that makes any sense. But I think that's kind of what I mean.

Take care,
-Far