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Jul 26, 2010, 10:21 AM
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Member Since: Jun 2010
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 50guy
what I appear to be to others.
I am not who I say I am.
I am a fraud, a phoney, a fantasy just passing through this life.
I am on a journey to nowhere.....always running, moving, never letting anyone really know me. No friends, the walls are up, you can't get in.
I'm worthless, just a piece of trash along the roadway of destruction.
I am full of self loathing, conflicted and very, very evil. No one knows me, I don't even know myself.......a complex mixed bag of emotions, a wearer of masks and a deciever. I need to disappear. I don't want to stay, but I can't leave. I don't want to die but, I can't live. I can't be sad, but I don't want to be happy. I am a stranger, even to myself. Where am I, what am I doing, where am I going, and why?
Such is my life.........................................................
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50guy,
I know the pain you are feeling. I could have written this post myself at times. You do have friends. I am your friend. All of us are your friends. Always remember that even though these times of self-loathing are intense, they will subside. We all have to keep working to chip away at these false internal beliefs about ourselves. They are false beliefs. We have all been victims of abuse, but we don't have to remain victims. We can overcome it with time and support. I hope you have a good therapist, if not, try to find one. But know regardless of having a therapist or not that you have all of us as a support team for you. You are a most valuable member of this community. 
__________________
Dusty5
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