{{{{{TinyBabyRex}}}}}

The "why" is the beast of depression. With depression, it doesn't matter if good things happen to you, you won't be able to see or feel them. The negative of everything floats to the top and any happiness at all is hidden in the dark brine of a deep sea.

I push all of my friends away and am then sad that no one cares about me. The tendency to isolate oneself when suffering from depression is one of its most horrible aspects IMO.

The key is to try to hand on to the understanding that this is the illness and has nothing to do with fairness, worthiness, or yourself. Hold on to this while seeking treatment and waiting for results. With treatment, the ability to see and enjoy the good things in life, no matter how small, will return.

Visit here often and tell us how you are feeling. You won't push us away because you will trust us and we understand. We can hopefully provide as much support and reinforcement as you need to get through this, and can encourage other methods of reinforcement, like support groups and talking with your T.

Right now, babyrex, I know exactly how you feel, and I am very much in the same spot too, feeling alone, lonely, scared, and hopeless, even though I know all of the above to be true. We can get through this together.