Last night I was feeling totally insecure... grumpy with him. It's not that he is so far away, it's that I am falling for him and I am SOOOOOOO scared of getting hurt again. I kow that it's a possibility.. I know that I have to just control the feelings of utter lack of self confidence and insecurity...BUT HOW?
I see that he has new friends on FB (both male and female) and I am comparing myself to the females.. wondering why he is with ME and wondering if he is playing me...
He has NEVER given any sign of being a player or a cheater.. his FB relationship status says "in a relationship with Belinda ....." so it's not like it's not 'real'
Why am I doubting myself and what I feel... why is my head wanting to pull back to protect my heart... can't I just go with the happy feelings and put the insecurities behind me....
All that goes through my mind is - Mark did it to me and he and I were together for 5 and a half years... friends for 7 years.... What makes ANY guy out there different..
I don't want to paint males with the same jaded brush for the rest of my life...
F*** Mark and what he did to me.. for putting doubts in my head about everything.. for making me feel worthless... for leaving me for a younger woman... for everything...

Why do I just want to cry today