gee, this sounds awfully confusing.
Take stock of what you need to be happy and comfortable.
Compare this with what you have available to you.
Work out if you can bridge the gap between what you have and what you want (And definitely highlight what you NEED) and then push forward for results.

It really sounds like you've got stuck in to sort out a lot of the rubbish in your life recently - hats off to you - that took enough strength as it is.

Love you lots- hang in there friend!