A recent post really caught my eye >> being the youngest of a large abusive family was way more damaging than if I would have been the oldest... the oldest only had the parents to contend with, but each child after that had the older child/children to also defend against... <<

I told T that there are TONS of photos of my older sister from ages 0-3, but none of me. Not that I want a photo spread but she was the first & evidently a wanted child; by the time I got there 3 yrs later, my parents literally hated each other. It wasn't long from there to the end. ACOA says this is usually the Lost Child... and I was shocked to read the Lost Child's description - that was me all right.

My Mom had two families: in the first, I was the youngest of four, iwth whatever advantage / disadvantage comes with being the youngest in a dysfunctional family. And 7 yrs after the breakup she started the new family and had two more children, so I ended up the middle kid. And everyone knows who THAT is - too young to be included in the older ones' fun times, too old to be considered a little one & get forgiveness for errors. Well, I did get a lot of experience changing diapers and babysitting.

has anyone else talked with T about birth order? would be great to hear comments.