I think birth order affects kids differently, depending on the family dynamics. For example, being the youngest could be tough for the reason you listed (older sibs being abusive) or it could be good, if the older sibs are mentors and protectors. It sounds really hard, SAWE, the way you were in the middle of the two families.

I think a disadvantage for me (being youngest of 4) was for my entire childhood, things were kind of wacked out in the family with my parents, whereas with my oldest sibs, there was a period when they were quite young where things were closer to normalcy. On the other hand, my oldest sibs have expressed envy for me that in my last years at home as the only child living there, things were easier for me than them with my parents. It didn't seem good to me, but they thought it was better--that my parents had mellowed some with age and didn't make life so hard for me. I think there is some truth to that--I think my mother had disengaged somewhat by the time I was a teen. But it still was hard. Plus I missed having my sibs as a buffer between me and my parents. It made me the sole object of their negative attention. Help!

SAWE, from what you'v said I think you are making that assumption based on a lot of things, not just the photos, right? I want to encourage you not to let the photos play a big part in how you feel. I was youngest of 4 and there are just a handful of photos of me whereas lots more of the older kids. With each kid, there were fewer. I used to think that was because they were less interested in me, or sick of being parents, etc. Now that I am a parent myself, I realize that the lack of photos and baby books is not necessarily because parents want you less but because they have less time. With the first baby, it is just you and the baby (especially if you take early years off work), and you have much more time to take photos, label them, and organize them into albums. With each new baby, it gets harder to have that leisure time, and even harder if you are working too. For me, I wanted to spend my free time being with my babies and young children, not working on hobbyist projects like photo albums. I like to think they appreciated my personal attention and care and in later years won't look at the lack of organized photo albums as a negative.

I think exploring birth order in therapy could be a really fruitful way to get at your feelings about your family of origin. T and I were talking recently about my expectation that my parents should have known certain things, passed on that knowledge to me, and modeled certain behavior to me so I would learn it because they were older, had more knowledge and experience, etc. It turns out T had a similar expectation of his older sibling. He has felt all his life that he had to be the "older" one instead of his less "able" older sib (and also had to "defend" against this older one, instead of being protected). Even today, he feels that in his relationship and seems to still yearn for his older sib to be "older."

Like tree, my T and I have talked some about how birth order affects my own children. I do see that my younger child has a feeling sometimes that we like her older sister better, which isn't true. I love my younger daughter tremendously, and in fact, I feel she is more similar to how I was when I was her age, which makes me want to draw closer to her. For reasons I don't completely understand, that is not easy or "permitted." But I do try to provide a lot of reassurance that she is valued for who she is. Her older sister is also good about trying not to let herself be pushed away. My youngest was affected much more strongly by my divorce than her sister, so there's been a lot going on for her in her young life.

Interesting topic....